You like me, right?

After one of my many usual late heavy dinners with a friend, we decided to go to a nice coffee shop to allow the digestion of the food be complemented with a nice gush of warm tea, and to release life’s problems and insights onto the other. They say people come and go into your life for a reason. Since life is all about travelling, a traveler extrapolates most of his experience from the smiles and stories of others he meets. My friend Jaber is no exception. My coffeemate Jaber would normally fit the bill of someone who would usually intimidate people by his outward religious look, the beard, enough said. However what really makes Jaber shine is his outlook, his sense of exploration, and his empathy towards others. Something very rare with people today, who choose to project their own experience as the only way of life.

Jaber’s from a small village here in Jizan. A village usually trigger small huts and for some reason smurfs into the minds of many. But just picture a few brick houses a bit far away from the city with a few stores around it. Even though he is from a village, his life experiences can amount to greater than someone who lives next to city hall. He is a difference maker, someone the world needs more of.

Our conversations usually range from life to life. The reality of our situations, and the state of our ummah, showing examples from personal experiences. The beauty of our conversations is that they always seem to tie in to our beliefs and leave us reconfirming our convictions within our own faith. We would often go back into memory lane and reminisce our stopovers in life.

So it was getting late, and I decided to head home. I decided to take a taxi back to my apartment which is about 20 minutes away. I ended up with a taxi driver who came from Jaber’s village. I was asked, if that was Jaber in the car who dropped me off. I affirmed. He then goes on and on about him. Showing me things that Jaber left out of his story to me, but didn’t surprise me. He talked about his transformation and how he was unique compared to all others. Jaber was the type that smiled at anyone, asked about them, regardless of how much they follow the religion. He also told me that he was top of his class, not only in that region but the whole kingdom at his time. He even appeared in a newspaper. Jaber, I think, due to his humility decided to keep me in the dark in that aspect. However, what I can sense from that driver was the love he had for a person like Jaber. The driver did not seem outwardly religious, and in fact spoke rather harshly about others who seem to carry the religious flag who according to him did not live by it.

He is not the only one.

Regardless of how much you tell yourself, that you aren't a judgmental person, there is always a level of feeling that you, cannot help but feel when you see someone for the first time. It feels that you need to assess the characteristic of the man by merely the first sight. The end result is often shaped by numerous factors, including experiences, hearsay, and media. However, sometimes due to our own insecurities. From my experience, there seems to be a trend of how can someone be more acceptable to others. Everyone has an insecurity buried deep within themselves. Some are able to bury it deeper by exercising denial, arrogance, and other things. However it tends to rise up to the surface when you meet someone. People tend to love someone more when they feel that the person they meet share with them in their efforts to hide those insecurities. We are perfectionists by heart, we strive to be perfect in the outward sense, because we feel that’s how we survive. In a dog eat dog world today, the person who seem to have it all seems to really have it all including happiness. Then this fictitious thinking encapsulates their life and becomes the standard pursuit in which people see taking in order to be the happiest person on earth.

However this whole pursuit of ‘happiness’ (I hope WB wont sue me for using this phrase, I love Will Smith) also comes with a cost. The moral decay of todays world is evident. The whole notion of shame seems to be in a downward spiral over the past few years. This is the reality of the situation. But there are people who strive to resist these changes, and continually try to fight against the current to stay breathing on the surface. Many of them feel alone in their struggle, because they have friends whom they see joining others in the downward spiral, and some cases family members. It is in ongoing wish that somehow their loved ones would see the beauty they see.

A lot of them face difficulties because of the way they choose to continue to talk to others. Even though I agree that there are some who spends most of his words condemning society, there are some out there which really let their actions do all the talking. What I found out that, yeah it sounds cliche “Actions does speak louder than words”. But to what extent. Jaber is one of the best examples in this regard. Even though he appears religious, and people can easily put him with the group of condemnation, they don’t. He seems to be different. He smiles, he asks, he jokes, and he helps. What ends up happening is that when people see someone who is religious, sometimes they project their own insecurities to that image. They feel that this person is outwardly exposing their insecurities to the world. This is why people become defensive. By their mere presence, some people feel like they are the worst person on earth. However, what really calms the situation and produce a very different effect is the level of acceptance of the religious person. People feel better about someone when they feel that they can accept them as a whole which includes their insecurities. You love your mother the most because you know that no matter what they do in life, you know that she will always love you. Some religious people use this analogy in a way that strengthens their love for Allah who they see as All-Forgiving. Its really how you reflect those insecurities that is being projected to you dictates your personal relationship with that person.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) is a living example of that concept. The infamous hadith of an old man running to him regretfully saying how he slept with his wife on Ramadhan while he was fasting. A sin in Islam which would require some specific actions to make up. Surprisingly this elicited a smile from the Prophet ( peace be upon him). He wanted to show the sinning man, that no matter what, the mercy of Allah (swt) is always open. He showed him the humanness of the situation. Even the Prophet (peace be upon him) was the example of the perfect man, there wasn’t anyone there who would even be intimidated by his presence, instead would yearn for it. One of it is because the Prophet (peace be upon him) knew and appreciated the uniqueness of the individual. He reflected their insecurities with hope and open arms, and advised them in the best of ways how its best for them to change. (with a great smile!)

Sometimes we fail to realize that people themselves are thinkers. We reflect in our own sense all the time, some more than others. However there is still a reflection process. A person is truly successful when he is able to dig their insecurities, and perceived shortcomings in a way where it becomes a hope, but much more, a reflection which in turn becomes a realization. A realization that will possibly change their life.

May Allah (subhana wa taala) enable us to be better human beings in this life, so we can attain the great paradise in the hereafter. Ameen.