You like me, right?

After one of my many usual late heavy dinners with a friend, we decided to go to a nice coffee shop to allow the digestion of the food be complemented with a nice gush of warm tea, and to release life’s problems and insights onto the other. They say people come and go into your life for a reason. Since life is all about travelling, a traveler extrapolates most of his experience from the smiles and stories of others he meets. My friend Jaber is no exception. My coffeemate Jaber would normally fit the bill of someone who would usually intimidate people by his outward religious look, the beard, enough said. However what really makes Jaber shine is his outlook, his sense of exploration, and his empathy towards others. Something very rare with people today, who choose to project their own experience as the only way of life.

Jaber’s from a small village here in Jizan. A village usually trigger small huts and for some reason smurfs into the minds of many. But just picture a few brick houses a bit far away from the city with a few stores around it. Even though he is from a village, his life experiences can amount to greater than someone who lives next to city hall. He is a difference maker, someone the world needs more of.

Our conversations usually range from life to life. The reality of our situations, and the state of our ummah, showing examples from personal experiences. The beauty of our conversations is that they always seem to tie in to our beliefs and leave us reconfirming our convictions within our own faith. We would often go back into memory lane and reminisce our stopovers in life.

So it was getting late, and I decided to head home. I decided to take a taxi back to my apartment which is about 20 minutes away. I ended up with a taxi driver who came from Jaber’s village. I was asked, if that was Jaber in the car who dropped me off. I affirmed. He then goes on and on about him. Showing me things that Jaber left out of his story to me, but didn’t surprise me. He talked about his transformation and how he was unique compared to all others. Jaber was the type that smiled at anyone, asked about them, regardless of how much they follow the religion. He also told me that he was top of his class, not only in that region but the whole kingdom at his time. He even appeared in a newspaper. Jaber, I think, due to his humility decided to keep me in the dark in that aspect. However, what I can sense from that driver was the love he had for a person like Jaber. The driver did not seem outwardly religious, and in fact spoke rather harshly about others who seem to carry the religious flag who according to him did not live by it.

He is not the only one.

Regardless of how much you tell yourself, that you aren't a judgmental person, there is always a level of feeling that you, cannot help but feel when you see someone for the first time. It feels that you need to assess the characteristic of the man by merely the first sight. The end result is often shaped by numerous factors, including experiences, hearsay, and media. However, sometimes due to our own insecurities. From my experience, there seems to be a trend of how can someone be more acceptable to others. Everyone has an insecurity buried deep within themselves. Some are able to bury it deeper by exercising denial, arrogance, and other things. However it tends to rise up to the surface when you meet someone. People tend to love someone more when they feel that the person they meet share with them in their efforts to hide those insecurities. We are perfectionists by heart, we strive to be perfect in the outward sense, because we feel that’s how we survive. In a dog eat dog world today, the person who seem to have it all seems to really have it all including happiness. Then this fictitious thinking encapsulates their life and becomes the standard pursuit in which people see taking in order to be the happiest person on earth.

However this whole pursuit of ‘happiness’ (I hope WB wont sue me for using this phrase, I love Will Smith) also comes with a cost. The moral decay of todays world is evident. The whole notion of shame seems to be in a downward spiral over the past few years. This is the reality of the situation. But there are people who strive to resist these changes, and continually try to fight against the current to stay breathing on the surface. Many of them feel alone in their struggle, because they have friends whom they see joining others in the downward spiral, and some cases family members. It is in ongoing wish that somehow their loved ones would see the beauty they see.

A lot of them face difficulties because of the way they choose to continue to talk to others. Even though I agree that there are some who spends most of his words condemning society, there are some out there which really let their actions do all the talking. What I found out that, yeah it sounds cliche “Actions does speak louder than words”. But to what extent. Jaber is one of the best examples in this regard. Even though he appears religious, and people can easily put him with the group of condemnation, they don’t. He seems to be different. He smiles, he asks, he jokes, and he helps. What ends up happening is that when people see someone who is religious, sometimes they project their own insecurities to that image. They feel that this person is outwardly exposing their insecurities to the world. This is why people become defensive. By their mere presence, some people feel like they are the worst person on earth. However, what really calms the situation and produce a very different effect is the level of acceptance of the religious person. People feel better about someone when they feel that they can accept them as a whole which includes their insecurities. You love your mother the most because you know that no matter what they do in life, you know that she will always love you. Some religious people use this analogy in a way that strengthens their love for Allah who they see as All-Forgiving. Its really how you reflect those insecurities that is being projected to you dictates your personal relationship with that person.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) is a living example of that concept. The infamous hadith of an old man running to him regretfully saying how he slept with his wife on Ramadhan while he was fasting. A sin in Islam which would require some specific actions to make up. Surprisingly this elicited a smile from the Prophet ( peace be upon him). He wanted to show the sinning man, that no matter what, the mercy of Allah (swt) is always open. He showed him the humanness of the situation. Even the Prophet (peace be upon him) was the example of the perfect man, there wasn’t anyone there who would even be intimidated by his presence, instead would yearn for it. One of it is because the Prophet (peace be upon him) knew and appreciated the uniqueness of the individual. He reflected their insecurities with hope and open arms, and advised them in the best of ways how its best for them to change. (with a great smile!)

Sometimes we fail to realize that people themselves are thinkers. We reflect in our own sense all the time, some more than others. However there is still a reflection process. A person is truly successful when he is able to dig their insecurities, and perceived shortcomings in a way where it becomes a hope, but much more, a reflection which in turn becomes a realization. A realization that will possibly change their life.

May Allah (subhana wa taala) enable us to be better human beings in this life, so we can attain the great paradise in the hereafter. Ameen.

I JUST DONT GET IT…

The sound of the muaddthin screaming into the hapless microphone calling people to the sunset prayer on a lowly evening. The voice seemed to be louder than usual because of my very close proximity to the mosque. (2 minute walk or maybe 10 seconds if you are Usain Bolt)(ahh its the Jamaican 100and 200 meter Olympic champion). However, what was supposed to be a rambling in the house rushing towards the bathroom to perform the obligatory ablution (wudhu), was replaced by sounds from random YouTube videos. Out of my curiosity I checked the room, and there were two people, in two laptops just clicking away. I just looked at them and motioned “lets go to prayer”, then left, the only thing that followed me was my shadow.

Rewind sometime earlier…

As I walked in to that very same room, there was one of them, with a person who appeared as religious. He had the ingredients of the religious look: the beard, the customary prayer cap, and a smile that could always make you feel good inside. (This is what I call religious, with big emphasis on the smile :). So I sat down with him, alongside the other person. The religious man started to read out of a book about the benefits of salah, and how important it is in our lives. We also talked about how embarrassed we would be if Allah were to ask us about why we missed prayer. The person enjoyed it a lot. He even requested for more talks of the such. It was a beneficial moment for all of us. A possible life changer. That's what I thought.

This is just one case..

Throughout my life, the theme of this story seems to be playing over and over manifested in different actions, scenarios, and characters. One day an enlightenment, the next day a forgotten story. There are people when asked, they proudly say they are Muslims, some even considered themselves religious, and others pride themselves as being not religious while still maintaining that they still believe. This hypocrisy of identity seems to be a mind boggler because I felt that it is only this aspect of their life in many cases that seems to be the most conflicting. Before the whistles of self-righteousness are blown on me for making this case, I am merely relaying my observations which have been made over the course of my life.

Often people complain about the effort it takes to make your prayers. How inconvenient it is to get up and pray. It is much easier to just do nothing. This justification I can accept only if you don’t do anything else in your life. No one in this life, especially in the West, can survive this world by absolutely doing nothing except of course if your birth certificate had the seal of royalty stamped, or your last name is Hilton. But this remains a minority (I have yet to meet a Muhammad Hilton). You cannot do anything unless you do something in your life. The same person who comes up with that excuse can be also seen working out at the gym 2 hours a day, can also be seen tirelessly going grocery shopping, and doing chores. These things sometimes require a lot of effort, and in some cases inconvenient, but people do it.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said “The delight and pleasure of my eyes is in the salah".

So how can one who really believes in Allah (swt), and His Prophet (peace be upon him) label salah as a inconvenience, when he (peace be upon him) saw it as a delight. A delight that illuminated an already illuminating face. But unfortunately for us it is treated as an inconvenience that we don’t even bother doing.

We have great doctors, lawyers, sons with great aspirations. I have witnessed hard workers, who repeatedly won endless smiles on their bosses face, and many Employee of the Month awards for doing something out of their line of work. I see people who get out of their way to extract one small reward from another. It is from this understanding that confuses me on how can someone who is so certain about Allah (swt) being the One who gives life and death, not even think about it.

Others say, dont worry Allah (swt) is All-Merciful. Even though He is, but He is the One that chooses who He forgives and doesn’t forgive. Missing prayers is not only one of the biggest sins in Islam, but according to some scholars it can even take you out of the fold of it. What bothers me though, is that how can someone who doesn’t know whether or not he will be forgiven, act this way, while at the same time, when he gets into a fight with his wife or friend, he will leave endless voicemails and sms saying how sorry he is. It is a paradox I am still trying to understand.

Another issue, which continues to be the source of scratch marks in my head, is the way the majority of us interpret the fajr salah as one that is done before dhuhur. Most of our first Islamic education included the concept of five prayers, and when to perform them. So being oblivious to it doesn’t seem to cut in. The problem in our ummah is not the fact that we miss fajr, but the fact that there is no underlying intention to make it or even feel a bit of remorse about missing it. I have met someone who have mentioned to me, when the subject of deep sleeping came up. He prided himself by saying “I can wake up whenever I want". These few words spoke volumes about us who seem to make appointments on time, who would wake up two hours before a job interview just to freshen up, who would rush towards the bathroom to get ready for just a friendly chit chat with a friend. Sure there were times when we missed an appointment, or a meeting, but how quickly we rush to the phone to apologize to the person or your boss for coming in late. This seems to be invisible when it comes to the fajr salah. It is like we don’t care, or really just don’t believe in it. Because I find it hard to believe that when a person knows something is certain and knows the implications of it, he doesn't do it. If a person knows that by not attending this meeting, he will receive some demerit points in his monthly evaluations, chances are that he will set his alarm clock (clocks in my case) at a time before that meeting so he can be up and early for it, and if he does miss it due to other things, he would go on facebook and say that He is having a crappy day. While this same person, when offered to be woken up, would probably say “Nah man its okay”. This is a sad reality of the situation.

These are just a few of many justifications I have encountered in my life. What we really lack is a feeling of shame. The imagery of how are going to meet Allah knowing that I have chosen YouTube over Him. How for the job he received from Allah (swt), he rather choose to exert all his effort in thanking and pleasing the boss, without any regard to the overall Planner. I just dont get it!

What people don’t realize is that Allah (swt) loves how one strives to do good even though he isn’t able to. But the key is to strive. This is our religion. The religion of striving. Our faith goes up and goes down. But always know that Allah will never burden you with something that you cannot bear.

Allah (swt) says in His Book:

“On no soul doth Allah Place a burden greater than it can bear.

I often hear how proud Muslims are that we have the fastest growing religion in the world. How the Muslim population is doubling faster than any in this modern world. It is true we do have great numbers, but I sometimes find it hard to believe when I am bowing my head at 4:30 in the morning, with enough people just to fill one line at the mosque.

I ASK ALLAH (SUBHANA WA TAALA) TO GUIDE US ALL TO THE STRAIGHT PATH, AND ENJOIN OUR PRAYERS AS A DELIGHT IN OUR LIVES.

AMEEN.

PLEASE LIST SOME EXCUSES THAT YOU OFTEN HEAR ABOUT MISSING PRAYERS.. MAYBE INSHA'ALLAH WE CAN ALSO POST SOME SOLUTIONS FOR THOSE EXCUSES. JAZAKALLAH KHAYRUN

THE DISREGARDED DEED

I know this maybe out of the blog overall theme, but I think this is worth sharing.

Here I was, sitting quietly at the backseat of a pickup truck waiting to reach my destination. Usually here in this part of the world, taxis fill up the public transportation sphere, but anyone with a vehicle who was going your way can act on their behalf. At times, I rather just sit in the backseat just to have that special bonding session with my ipod, which I neglected for most part of the day instead of having another conversation with the driver. Its a good chance for me to avoid those personal questions that are usually asked, like how much do you make? Like really, are you Canadian? so how much money do you make? and so on and so forth. But as I was reaching closer to my destination, I had to tell the driver which exact place I wanted to be dropped off. When I was explaining it, the guy beside the driver noticed that I was talking to the wind since he saw no response from the driver, decided to repeat it again to him after I did. This opened up a conversation between the guy and me. We introduced ourselves, I was asked where I worked, where I am from and those introductory questions. And there was the driver, cringing to ask me that million dollar question.. So how much do you make? which I politely answered "Alhamdullilah". (which by the way, he repeated it again to try to figure out a range). The guy beside him just answered that Allah (swt) gives whoever its due. He was a very polite guy, soft spoken, and looked very well mannered. When he reached his destination which was way before me, he told the driver to please take care of me as I was a guest to his country, and covered some of my fare on the way there. (He didnt know it wouldve cost extra since my destination was a bit further than his, so I had to cover the rest which wasn't much). But the intention was there. He offered his number in case I needed anything at all in the university and anything else. He was indeed someone that left an impact on me that day. There was a man who knows me for ten minutes at most, showed things that usually have to squeezed out from people after meeting them several times. This if anything really impressed me a lot, reminds me of how much we have forgotten this trait. It really did leave an impact on me on that day.

However, this was not the first time.

One thing in this side of the world which seems to be a common theme among its people is their hospitality to people who they deemed as guests. In the West, usually when someone does something like that for you, it means that you are a woman who has really nice perfume on, or theres a special favour that needs to be done (for those people who will associate this to backdoor techniques, its not what you think). In the West, we are taught many good things, like obeying the law, no littering, voicing your concerns on a volume level that doesn't rock the eardrums and so forth. The one thing I have noticed or should I say fail to notice too much of in the West is showing hospitality to the guests. It seems that we left it with our uncles and aunts in our native country (for those people who aren't born in the land of the free). I know there are some who are mashaAllah amazing to their guests, but they still remain a minority even among the Muslim population. We for some reason have applied the same concept of our gas stations to our guests, self serve. When we meet people in a cafe or restaurant, we often wait for the bill and usually ask the waitress or waiter that if separate bills are available. I am not saying this is always the case, we sometimes use the calculator feature on our cell phones. (Thank goodness for that eh, whoever came up with that is a genius). Usually here, people run to the cashier to pay for whatever food was consumed, regardless of how much they make. To some it would be considered an insult, if he wasn't able to cover the dinner. It seems that feeding people to some over here elicits the same joy that one would feel if he got a free water bottle when he signs up for a credit card using his friends address. They get a sense of a real rewarding feeling like mission accomplished for the day. I know people might think that I am overgeneralizing, however, when I mean from what I see, I usually mean my attitude and the overall scenario I observed. (Some of my friends, masha'Allah I know you covered me many times, and I am thankful for everything. my heart feels the same as this girl in this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10WdSmMm55I.) What I learned really, is that we shouldn't get too caught up in holding our cash especially to guests. Allah (subhana wa taala) is the One who provides us with our sustenance, so using it to please Him will not do you any harm at all. There have been many stories even my own personal ones, where one would give in charity will yield more returns in their lifetime, much more so in the hereafter. We (by that I mean for the most part ME) should try to internalize this hadith of our Noble Prophet (peace be upon him):

Abu Hurairah, radiyallahu 'anhu, reported that the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu 'alayhi wasallam, said:

"Let whosoever believes in Allah and in the Last Day either speak good or be silent. Let whosoever believes in Allah and in the Last Day honour his neighbour. Let whosoever believes in Allah and in the Last Day honour his guest."

[Al-Bukhari & Muslim]

So I say to you, (which means me again, looking at the mirror, man did I gain weight or what.. I digress), that we need to start building our character since Rasulullah (peace be upon him) said that good characters will lead someone to Paradise and be close to him. Action does speak louder than words. So insha'Allah we (this time I mean ALL OF US) can revive this forgotten trait and add this to our arsenal of good works.

May Allah (subhana wa taala) guide us all to the straight path, and help us please Him in this life so we can meet Him in the next. Ameen

QUEEN LIKE WEDDINGS!

There is nothing in this world that is most detested to a Middle-class single working man than a demand from his future or potential wife to have a "royal" wedding. Some girls sugarcoat it and say "baby: I just want a simple wedding", but in reality they all mean the same in one way or the other. What is even worse is when you convince the girl to reluctantly go ahead with a wedding that you have pictured over a cup of coffee at a local coffee shop, the cultural baggage of her family begins to creep in into her thoughts and not only request a dramatic wedding but DEMAND IT. These characteristics can produce a lot of unneeded stress into a promising union. Stress with no logical roots can be really disturbing for a man, causing a lot of sleepless nights etc.

I acknowledge that girls always dream of this day to be the best day in their life. The day that they will swept off by the man of her dreams to the promised land, which usually can range from a very nice hotel room to an empty room at his parents' house. But I say to these girls please wake up. You didn't marry exactly that blond haired blue eyed man who came in a pony; the man of your dreams. All those money that will be spent on a chandelier for the banquet hall, the expensive font on your invitation cards, the biggest cake with your statues on it, the photographer directly from Kodak. (Okay the photographer can stay due to the need in the world of facebook), can really be spent on getting a nice family car, a down payment on a house, hell at least a washer/dryer combo. I would even consider spending a lot of money on the honeymoon itself (rrrrrr wink wink rrrrrr) . Really girls think about it! When do you EVER hear your mom talk about her wedding? Is it something she gloats to you every given Sunday? I dont think so. There are a lot of guys out there with limited pockets but with a heart that can last you a lifetime. The problem is that you measure him up whether you think so or not, by his pocket. A man's pride is directly correlated to his ability to provide. When you show that he isnt able to pay for a wedding or a marriage it can cause some serious internal questions about his ability to even raise a family. It will cause more doubts which sometimes lead to transforming the groom into a runaway bride.

Girls often complain that the good ones are taken. But the very same girls are those who refuse to scratch down their price tag into something more affordable. Many of them dont even accept affordable payment options. A lot demand it out front, coupled with his love, committment, and his smily face. A combination that is only priviledged by a selected few.

Please girls, always think about us. We dont want to be sleeping next to our biggest financial loss each day of the week. Help us make you the happiest woman on earth. Because God only knows nothing is worse in a house than a discontented housewife ;) (or a career wife).


ADDENDUM:

First of all dont ask me what that word means. It was suggested to me by a dairy lover in Calgary. So having said that.. I wanted to add something to my original post

Usually when girls read this post, they often shrug it off and say its my family's problem. They are the ones who want this big wedding not me. All I really want is a simple wedding. Okay though it may be true in many cases, but what amazes me and the dairylover, is that why is it that they wouldnt stand up to it, rather give in too quickly like a child being shown a lollipop. I know this may upset many of the female voices and wannabe housewives out there. But sometimes it is frustrating to even think that just because a man cannot afford a wedding he must withdraw or in many cases postpone being married until he builds up a good enough credit to take out a humoungous loan from the bank to pay for an oversized room with tables and chairs, filled with people who came to it because of their facebook connection with you. Many will say, that its not true. However sometimes people lie to themselves in the mirror and say they are ugly for sure, when in reality its not that clear. So please girls, women, boys who grew up watching beauty and beast, I say to you, if a good man comes your way, the last thing you want to scare him off with is a 50$/head bill on the happiest day of your life.

That is all..