THE DISREGARDED DEED

I know this maybe out of the blog overall theme, but I think this is worth sharing.

Here I was, sitting quietly at the backseat of a pickup truck waiting to reach my destination. Usually here in this part of the world, taxis fill up the public transportation sphere, but anyone with a vehicle who was going your way can act on their behalf. At times, I rather just sit in the backseat just to have that special bonding session with my ipod, which I neglected for most part of the day instead of having another conversation with the driver. Its a good chance for me to avoid those personal questions that are usually asked, like how much do you make? Like really, are you Canadian? so how much money do you make? and so on and so forth. But as I was reaching closer to my destination, I had to tell the driver which exact place I wanted to be dropped off. When I was explaining it, the guy beside the driver noticed that I was talking to the wind since he saw no response from the driver, decided to repeat it again to him after I did. This opened up a conversation between the guy and me. We introduced ourselves, I was asked where I worked, where I am from and those introductory questions. And there was the driver, cringing to ask me that million dollar question.. So how much do you make? which I politely answered "Alhamdullilah". (which by the way, he repeated it again to try to figure out a range). The guy beside him just answered that Allah (swt) gives whoever its due. He was a very polite guy, soft spoken, and looked very well mannered. When he reached his destination which was way before me, he told the driver to please take care of me as I was a guest to his country, and covered some of my fare on the way there. (He didnt know it wouldve cost extra since my destination was a bit further than his, so I had to cover the rest which wasn't much). But the intention was there. He offered his number in case I needed anything at all in the university and anything else. He was indeed someone that left an impact on me that day. There was a man who knows me for ten minutes at most, showed things that usually have to squeezed out from people after meeting them several times. This if anything really impressed me a lot, reminds me of how much we have forgotten this trait. It really did leave an impact on me on that day.

However, this was not the first time.

One thing in this side of the world which seems to be a common theme among its people is their hospitality to people who they deemed as guests. In the West, usually when someone does something like that for you, it means that you are a woman who has really nice perfume on, or theres a special favour that needs to be done (for those people who will associate this to backdoor techniques, its not what you think). In the West, we are taught many good things, like obeying the law, no littering, voicing your concerns on a volume level that doesn't rock the eardrums and so forth. The one thing I have noticed or should I say fail to notice too much of in the West is showing hospitality to the guests. It seems that we left it with our uncles and aunts in our native country (for those people who aren't born in the land of the free). I know there are some who are mashaAllah amazing to their guests, but they still remain a minority even among the Muslim population. We for some reason have applied the same concept of our gas stations to our guests, self serve. When we meet people in a cafe or restaurant, we often wait for the bill and usually ask the waitress or waiter that if separate bills are available. I am not saying this is always the case, we sometimes use the calculator feature on our cell phones. (Thank goodness for that eh, whoever came up with that is a genius). Usually here, people run to the cashier to pay for whatever food was consumed, regardless of how much they make. To some it would be considered an insult, if he wasn't able to cover the dinner. It seems that feeding people to some over here elicits the same joy that one would feel if he got a free water bottle when he signs up for a credit card using his friends address. They get a sense of a real rewarding feeling like mission accomplished for the day. I know people might think that I am overgeneralizing, however, when I mean from what I see, I usually mean my attitude and the overall scenario I observed. (Some of my friends, masha'Allah I know you covered me many times, and I am thankful for everything. my heart feels the same as this girl in this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10WdSmMm55I.) What I learned really, is that we shouldn't get too caught up in holding our cash especially to guests. Allah (subhana wa taala) is the One who provides us with our sustenance, so using it to please Him will not do you any harm at all. There have been many stories even my own personal ones, where one would give in charity will yield more returns in their lifetime, much more so in the hereafter. We (by that I mean for the most part ME) should try to internalize this hadith of our Noble Prophet (peace be upon him):

Abu Hurairah, radiyallahu 'anhu, reported that the Messenger of Allah, sallallahu 'alayhi wasallam, said:

"Let whosoever believes in Allah and in the Last Day either speak good or be silent. Let whosoever believes in Allah and in the Last Day honour his neighbour. Let whosoever believes in Allah and in the Last Day honour his guest."

[Al-Bukhari & Muslim]

So I say to you, (which means me again, looking at the mirror, man did I gain weight or what.. I digress), that we need to start building our character since Rasulullah (peace be upon him) said that good characters will lead someone to Paradise and be close to him. Action does speak louder than words. So insha'Allah we (this time I mean ALL OF US) can revive this forgotten trait and add this to our arsenal of good works.

May Allah (subhana wa taala) guide us all to the straight path, and help us please Him in this life so we can meet Him in the next. Ameen

QUEEN LIKE WEDDINGS!

There is nothing in this world that is most detested to a Middle-class single working man than a demand from his future or potential wife to have a "royal" wedding. Some girls sugarcoat it and say "baby: I just want a simple wedding", but in reality they all mean the same in one way or the other. What is even worse is when you convince the girl to reluctantly go ahead with a wedding that you have pictured over a cup of coffee at a local coffee shop, the cultural baggage of her family begins to creep in into her thoughts and not only request a dramatic wedding but DEMAND IT. These characteristics can produce a lot of unneeded stress into a promising union. Stress with no logical roots can be really disturbing for a man, causing a lot of sleepless nights etc.

I acknowledge that girls always dream of this day to be the best day in their life. The day that they will swept off by the man of her dreams to the promised land, which usually can range from a very nice hotel room to an empty room at his parents' house. But I say to these girls please wake up. You didn't marry exactly that blond haired blue eyed man who came in a pony; the man of your dreams. All those money that will be spent on a chandelier for the banquet hall, the expensive font on your invitation cards, the biggest cake with your statues on it, the photographer directly from Kodak. (Okay the photographer can stay due to the need in the world of facebook), can really be spent on getting a nice family car, a down payment on a house, hell at least a washer/dryer combo. I would even consider spending a lot of money on the honeymoon itself (rrrrrr wink wink rrrrrr) . Really girls think about it! When do you EVER hear your mom talk about her wedding? Is it something she gloats to you every given Sunday? I dont think so. There are a lot of guys out there with limited pockets but with a heart that can last you a lifetime. The problem is that you measure him up whether you think so or not, by his pocket. A man's pride is directly correlated to his ability to provide. When you show that he isnt able to pay for a wedding or a marriage it can cause some serious internal questions about his ability to even raise a family. It will cause more doubts which sometimes lead to transforming the groom into a runaway bride.

Girls often complain that the good ones are taken. But the very same girls are those who refuse to scratch down their price tag into something more affordable. Many of them dont even accept affordable payment options. A lot demand it out front, coupled with his love, committment, and his smily face. A combination that is only priviledged by a selected few.

Please girls, always think about us. We dont want to be sleeping next to our biggest financial loss each day of the week. Help us make you the happiest woman on earth. Because God only knows nothing is worse in a house than a discontented housewife ;) (or a career wife).


ADDENDUM:

First of all dont ask me what that word means. It was suggested to me by a dairy lover in Calgary. So having said that.. I wanted to add something to my original post

Usually when girls read this post, they often shrug it off and say its my family's problem. They are the ones who want this big wedding not me. All I really want is a simple wedding. Okay though it may be true in many cases, but what amazes me and the dairylover, is that why is it that they wouldnt stand up to it, rather give in too quickly like a child being shown a lollipop. I know this may upset many of the female voices and wannabe housewives out there. But sometimes it is frustrating to even think that just because a man cannot afford a wedding he must withdraw or in many cases postpone being married until he builds up a good enough credit to take out a humoungous loan from the bank to pay for an oversized room with tables and chairs, filled with people who came to it because of their facebook connection with you. Many will say, that its not true. However sometimes people lie to themselves in the mirror and say they are ugly for sure, when in reality its not that clear. So please girls, women, boys who grew up watching beauty and beast, I say to you, if a good man comes your way, the last thing you want to scare him off with is a 50$/head bill on the happiest day of your life.

That is all..